You can take it or leave it:this is me. Simple!
Unintentionally, we give high significance to other people wants instead of focusing on our own needs and desires. The issue evolved from having to alter who we are as individuals to the point of becoming unrecognizable. Unrecognizable in the sense of neglecting everything pivotal to us with the sole purpose of pursuing being likable. As a consequence, we begin exercising suppression by not embracing our uniqueness.
What differentiates us from the rest is our individualism, which is why it should be celebrated.
That mindset can be implied in dating. Dating is such a joke that many try to mold themselves to evade standing out from the pool of candidates. To the point of steering away from their true identity to form part of the pack. Why be part of the pack to bypass judgment and finger-pointing due to your unique nature? Therefore, one starts to camouflage their special features with the end goal to be included and not be left out.
More often than not, the online version of ourselves is distorted compared to the one behind the screen. Both pictures and prompts are strategically structured for attractiveness, knowingly omitting the real us. Some might do it incautiously, while others might do it purposely. Take, for example, a male who is looking for fun but response with something totally different when asked what they are looking for. Or excluding your disability to be view as a suitable option among the many. It is easy to prevent scrutiny than having to face it.
Going the extra mile to avoid judgment can emerged from the negative press given to individualism, which stemmed from having to alter our distinct characteristics to become like the rest. Oh, it is so difficult to have a “this is me; take it or leave it” attitude, especially when it is frowned at.
With maturity, one acknowledges the importance of individualism by implementing an “this is me” attitude.
It’s not your job to make anyone accept you; like you shouldn’t hide who you are to be perceive as worthy.
I started to disclose my disability on my dating profile because: 1) I was tired of wasting my time with close-minded men. And 2) as an experiment to see how much attraction my profile would get compared to when I didn’t label my disability.
Not getting many matches due to labeling the disability factor on the profile has been a learning experience. It’s comical to witness how close-minded the male species can be. First, they match with you, then unmatched after reading the bio. Amusing, I know!
However, placing all the blame on them seems unfair, but not entirely. It is human nature to shy away from the unknown rather than asking questions to become familiar with it. We all have done it at least once, yet it doesn’t make it right.
The “take it or leave it” perspective is rooted in the ability to finally recognize that you need to accept yourself fully with flaws and all prior to seeking a partner. Accepting the good and the bad deep from within is the only way to be free from the chokehold that develops from craving to feel welcome or included. Making amends with who you are as an individual is the ultimate superpower.