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Why You Should Ask Me About My Disability Before Turning to Search Engines?

Discussing Disabilities in Dating Before Resorting to Search Engines

One of the most frustrating aspects of dating with a disability is when potential matches turn to search engines to investigate the potential extent of your limitations. Why not opt for the direct approach? We could openly discuss any questions or concerns you might have about my diagnosis and how it affects me?

Click To Read: 5 tips on How To Date with a Disability

The Key is Asking What You Don’t Know

You have the potential to perform a noble deed by being forthright and asking any questions you may have about dating someone with a disability. The key here is to ask about what you do not know. Directly seeking information enables a disabled individual to put things into perspective, while turning to the internet immediately raises concerns of prejudice.

Given that the internet tends to exaggerate and generalize conditions, it often presents situations as worse than they truly are. Many people can relate to the experience of searching the internet to understand the symptoms of a minor discomfort they have, only to be bombarded with an overwhelming amount of information that makes them feel as though their health is in jeopardy. I have certainly been guilty of this myself! The situation isn’t any different when it comes to seeking information about how a disability might impact someone’s life.

Not All Disabilities Are Alike

The term ‘disability’ might encompass only one word. Within that single term, a countless number of disabilities fall into various categories. Many fail to notice that two disabilities are not alike, even if they both fall under the same umbrella. For instance, two individuals might share the same disability, yet its impact could be significantly more profound for one person compared to the other.

The Ideal Thing is to Ask Directly

If you are intrigue about how a disability impacts an individual. The ideal thing to do is to ask them directly rather than disappearing on them or searching the internet for answers. 

It’s perfectly acceptable to ask honest and valuable questions if you’re genuinely interested in wanting to get to know the person. It’s one thing to be curious and entirely different to be disrespectful by asking invasive questions.

There’s no harm with answering if the person is genuinely interested in you and looking to build a relationship. However, I draw the line when they view you as a mere challenge. No, I’m not here to satisfy your curiosity.

Numerous misconceptions persist regarding disabilities and the various limitations that disabled individuals may have to encounter on a daily basis. We all have limitations, whether we are disabled or not. Still, don’t assume that a person is less capable just because they have a physical or mental impairment.

If you have any questions or curiosities, do not hesitate to ask! And if, after asking, you find that you cannot date a disabled individual, be honest with them. Although it might be painful, giving them a chance to explain their condition could make it a little less hurtful.

Avoid Assumptions and Ghosting

Instead of making assumptions or immediately turning to search engines. According to the article, “How to spot misinformation—and what to do about it: Expert advice from psychology professor Lisa Fazio.” Lisa Fazio, assistant professor of psychology at the Peabody College states:

“As long as information is good enough and generally fits with what we’re expecting to hear, we don’t necessarily notice if there is an error.”

Lisa Fazio

Rejecting Ghosting When Matching With a Disable Individual

If you match with someone online who has a disability, please refrain from the cowardly act of ghosting them. Ghosting people is so last season! Rather, ask direct questions about how their disability might impact their daily life. If you don’t wish to continue, communicate your feelings to them. Your feelings are valid, just as theirs are.

If people showed a little more empathy toward one another, the modern world of dating wouldn’t be so confusing. Apart from disabilities, having a wide selection of matches at our fingertips has also made people somewhat jaded. This is why many may not want to invest much effort in truly getting to know someone.

Focus On Quality Over Quantity in Dating

Nowadays, we regularly seem to prioritize quantity over quality. I, too, have fallen into the trap of believing that ‘more is better,’ which is not a healthy mindset to have. The entire dating scene is complicated, and there isn’t a specific or right way of doing things. In the end, the universe will bring that special person to you, regardless of how things are executed.

Everything involves trial and error, and dating is not the exception!

Reference:

Vanderbilt University. (2020, September 22). How to spot misinformation-and what to do about it: Expert advice from psychology professor Lisa Fazio. Vanderbilt University. https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2020/09/22/lisa-fazio-how-to-spot-misinformation-and-what-to-do-about-it/

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14 Comments

  1. September 19, 2023 / 4:51 am

    I think some people may feel nervous about asking questions if they don’t know you, but as you say, provided it’s a genuine enquiry and not invasive, it makes perfect sense to ask you directly. Google can be a minefield!

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 20, 2023 / 5:44 pm

      You’re right! There shouldn’t be nothing wrong in asking the right set of questions especially if there is an open dialogue between the two parties. Google can have the tendency of exaggerating medical conditions. Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  2. September 19, 2023 / 6:08 am

    I guess the issue with asking a potential dating match and asking about a person’s disabilities, is that it likely seems to personal to ask about if you don’t know the other person well. But you’re right about the kind of information they might find

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 20, 2023 / 5:53 pm

      It can seem personal, but it can also be seen as a way to broaden one’s perspective on the subject of disability. Learning about the unknown is achieved through asking. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  3. September 20, 2023 / 6:51 pm

    I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to be in this situation. Thanks for sharing, it really put into perspective how we should take accountability to ask about things we’re not comfortable with.
    P.S. You’re beautiful!

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 22, 2023 / 8:38 pm

      It can be very frustrating, but overtime you learn to brush it off. My goal is to put things into perspective for others and to make the dating world more inclusive. Thanks for the sweet compliment. Also, thank you for commenting! 🙂

  4. September 21, 2023 / 8:01 am

    Yes, ghosting is rude and insensitive. Being forthright, direct and honest is the way to go, rather than leave the other person hanging.

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 22, 2023 / 9:55 pm

      Ghosting is so common nowadays that it started being the norm. Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  5. September 25, 2023 / 10:30 am

    This shows exactly why genuine communication is so important, and that it is something we should all be encouraged to do with each other. Turning to Google, in some instances, is great to find a specific answer, but not if you want to know more about a person you are hoping to strike up a connection with. I can understand how some may want to be better informed and aware, but the best way to understand someone is to talk to them. This was a great reminder to be genuine, respectful but also curious when making a connection.

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 28, 2023 / 3:04 pm

      Agree!!! Respect and genuineness are important components when building a strong connection. Asking questions of the unknown is also a great way to enhance trust in a relationship as both parties trust one another to be upfront, truthful and honest. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  6. September 26, 2023 / 5:53 am

    Thanks for sharing, I feel the same with my learning disabilities not every one knows, and is unsure how to deal with me, which means they think I come across rude, when I do not understand the situation, they can google it to their hearts content, but don’t be rude or offensive to me, just be kind and understanding of what I have to go through 🙂

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 28, 2023 / 3:10 pm

      Exactly! We know more than Google about our disability and we can explain certain things that Google would never be able to. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  7. Sienna
    September 27, 2023 / 3:34 pm

    I think most people don’t realize they can ask or that you (meaning anyone they’ve met not just you in particular) would be open to having an open and honest discussion. I hope more people read this and feel comfortable to start a dialogue as you’re right Google can pull up some crazy things!!

    • shesdioma
      Author
      September 28, 2023 / 2:48 pm

      Exactly… Some are affair to start the dialogue for fear of overstepping, not acknowledging that asking questions is a way to learn and become familiar with what they don’t know. Thanks for your comment 🙂

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