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Why Seeking Attention for Validation in Dating Can Be Dangerous

Wanting attention is a double-edged sword that we both crave and detest. Getting too much of one thing can gradually make you despise it, up to the point of hating it. For example, there is only so much ice cream that an individual can consume before they begin to dislike it.

An excessive amount of anything is never good. So why do we categorize the need for constant glorification from someone we have just met as acceptable, whether it’s for validation or out of boredom?

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Being showered with attention can cause you to feel like being on cloud nine, but one day that cloud may evaporate into nothing. What will happen then? You’ll be plummeting without a safety net to break your fall.

The need for seeking attention should be compared to trying to fill a void that is unfillable. No matter how much sand you pour into the hole, it remains unsealed. It is only when you muster the courage to peek inside and to discover the root cause that you can truly address the problem.

And yet, we continually turn to dating apps in the hope of obtaining a high from being validated by strangers we just met.

Seeking attention out of boredom is understandable, as we’ve all been there at some point. However, pursuing external validation to feel worthy or validated is a different matter entirely. It can lead to worthlessness, as you give everything you have to someone you barely know, only for them to take it all, leaving you in the limbo.

We should never base our worthiness on others’ opinions, as this can become an addiction. The more attention we receive, the more we may crave it.

Have you ever noticed that after a few days without receiving any new matches, you begin to question yourself? You might even go back and revise your dating profile, wondering if the pictures you’ve chosen are the most attractive or if your prompts are witty enough. Why does this happen? It’s because we have a natural kink to feel like we fit in to avoid being the odd one out.

While receiving a text or a compliment may provide a temporary boost of dopamine and happiness, but it won’t last for long.

Constantly seeking acknowledgment and recognition from others will only leave you feeling empty inside.

You’ll always be unhappy if you don’t receive the praise necessary to feel welcomed and accepted. Matching with someone may reinforce the belief that you’re worth it, but it’s important to remember that looking for validation from strangers isn’t a sustainable source of self-worth. Instead, focus on building a sense of self-acceptance and confidence from within.

The issue lies when approval isn’t instant. Automatically, the mind goes to pinpoint every insecurity in detail. Currently, we live in a time where instant gratification has been the norm for a while now. It has turned into a daily necessity for many, like needing air to breathe. It is something we strive for daily, without even realizing it.

Past traumas, low self-esteem, and the desire to prove oneself can all lead to attention seeking in order to achieve a sense of worthiness.

No amount of matches or flattery will ever be enough to help you realize the remarkable person that you are if you do not first acknowledge it yourself. Sure, hearing words like ‘how pretty’ or ‘how smart’ you are may offer a short-lived ego boost, but you do not want to be reliant on the praise of others.

While it may be okay to fish for admiration and to turn to dating apps for entertainment until you become transfixed with having strangers confirm how incredible you are. This behavior should not become a crutch. My advice to you is to never seek attention as a means of validation.

In the end, what truly matters is recognizing that you are incredible and so worth it.

Stay Beautiful XoXo

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  1. May 5, 2023 / 6:17 pm

    Some really valid and important information in this article…thank you for sharing

    • shesdioma
      May 7, 2023 / 5:51 pm

      Thank you for commenting… It is something that should be talked more.

  2. September 29, 2023 / 7:49 pm

    I think you’re right = it’s never good to rely on external validation only. I guess then the question is, how do you get to the point where you validate yourself and that is enough (for the most part). Thank you for a thought-provoking piece.

    • shesdioma
      October 9, 2023 / 4:17 pm

      That’s a good question! I believe when we get to the point of accepting ourselves fully our faults and imperfections, it is when external validation becomes less important. Thank you for your comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. September 30, 2023 / 12:35 am

    Yes, itโ€™s nice to feel validated sometimes, but it would be wise to keep our feet rooted to the ground and get a grasp of whatโ€™s real and true. Thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts.

    • shesdioma
      October 9, 2023 / 4:10 pm

      It is extremely nice to feel external validation occasionally, but not at the cost of our own self-worth and self-love. Thank you for your comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. December 2, 2023 / 2:07 pm

    Seeking external validation in any setting can be damaging to our well-being, because we can easily become dependent on that external validation, when happiness comes from internal validation

    • shesdioma
      December 14, 2023 / 2:33 pm

      Agreed! It can be so damaging to your well-being that you begin to alter yourself just to get the validation you are deeply craving. Like you mentioned true happiness come from within. Thank you for your comment!:)

  5. abby
    December 14, 2023 / 5:07 pm

    This is all so true and for some personality types, i guess, is a lesson that might have to be learned over years and with experience.
    Great article!

    • shesdioma
      December 15, 2023 / 12:44 pm

      Thanks! Exactly, some will learn the lesson not instantly but over time and that is okay. Thank you for your comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

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