Care to admit it or not, we have all been ghosted and have done the ghosting at least once. It’s okay to admit it.
Personally, I think ghosting sucks! Has it stopped me from occasionally executing the act? No.
The deed has become such a regular practice among the dating community that it is no longer foreign. Eventually, what was once abnormal has become normal, hence the ghosting culture.
A ghost doesn’t engage in ghosting as frequently as an insecure dater who is perpetually on the hunt for the next best thing. While some vanish out of sheer cowardice, others do it out of sheer boredom. Dissipating into thin air is simply easier than being upfront and honest, no complications or confrontations necessary.
How to deal with being ghosted?
One of the reasons for ghosting is a lack of interest or a stale conversation. During our dating expedition, we have engaged in ghosting due to these reasons. If the dialogue has grown jaded, there is nothing you can do but move on. Continuing to try to foster a connection, knowing it will only lead to a dead-end, is a waste of time.
However, going AWOL without any valid reason is cowardly, especially if the connection had been strong from the beginning and had grown stronger by the day. There’s nothing wrong with changing your feelings and no longer wanting to pursue things further. At the very least, have the guts to be upfront and honest.
It’s the bare minimum you could do to compensate for wasting their precious time. Do it, not for yourself, but to help bring answers to the many unanswered questions. After receiving the needed closure, they would be able to turn the page and move on.
Conveying to someone that you no longer see the relationship progressing and have lost interest can be an intimidating task.
It might be scary at first, but in the long term, you’ll be glad you did. After all, being strung along, only to be left with shattered illusions and empty promises, can be emotionally devastating. That said, try to be sensitive when expressing your desire to end things. Don’t discuss it abruptly; preferably, ease into it casually. A good starting point is reflecting on the valuable lessons you’ve gained from your conversations and then explaining why you no longer envision a future for the relationship.
Initially, it might sting a bit, but in the end, they will undoubtedly appreciate the honesty, fostering a sense of gratitude.
Conversely, a coward will stop responding because honesty scares the heck out of them. Often, a ghoster believes that being honest would damage their toughness, making them appear weak. Disappearing without any trace is the easiest way to avoid any uncomfortable situation, without having to face confrontations or provide explanations. It only shows how selfish and inconsiderate they are.
The article titled “Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults” by Raúl Navarro discusses how previous studies have conceptualized ghosting as a tactic employed to end undesirable relationships without explicitly terminating them ( Navarro).
These individuals demonstrate a lack of remorse for playing with the emotional state of others, not caring about the pain they have caused.
When that occurs, the only thing left to do is to let time pass and come to terms with the fact that you had nothing to do with their selfish actions, which is a reflection of their own insecurities. Unfortunately, sending a text demanding an answer will not null the pain they have inflicted. How can they explain anything if they don’t dare to have a truthful conversation with you?
It’s best to let it go and accept what it is. Always move on with dignity!
Get it ingrained in your mind that ghosting happens to everyone, not just you. The key here is not to get too invested in the talking stage and let things flow freely. Don’t ever believe that by changing yourself, you will prevent them from disappearing because that is far from the truth.
Anyone who wants to stay will stay, and anyone who wants to leave will leave, regardless. Remember that!
Reference:
Navarro, R., Larrañaga, E., Yubero, S., & Víllora, B. (2020). Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. International journal of environmental research and public health, 17(3), 1116. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17031116
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I have been ghosted quite a few times. I’ve been ghosted by people that I Loved. I have been ghosted by people who (once) said they Loved Me.
It Hurts.
I’ve been put into positions where I was confused and didn’t know what was going on and was forced to humiliate myself just so I could figure it out.
Another time, someone who I Trusted and I Cared deeply about, I suppose they just changed their Mind about Me (without telling Me) and Just did not want to deal with Me anymore. When someone who has gained Your Trust does something like this, it’s a betrayal. It Hurts, and it really fucked Me up. I am still Hurt from this, and it has been years. And I don’t even know why. She said a bunch of stuff that made no sense to Me, then blocked Me instead of talking with Me. No Closure. No Civility. No Respect. No Care.
If You just met someone at a bar and find out their Pro-Life or otherwise misogynist then sure, ghost away. They don’t Need or deserve an explanation.
But don’t ghost people that Love You. That Trust You. That Care about You.
That’s Not Right.
Author
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Unfortunately, ghosting comes with many negative feeling, resentment and trust issues but we have to take everything as a life lesson. A lesson that help us see the reality of life not just snippers of what we think how it is suppose to be.
This is such an interesting post! I am all about honesty and I take it pretty well as well but I find when I am candid in a polite way (specifically in dating), many times it is not taken well.
Author
Dating should be much more easier if people were upfront with their intentions instead of taking the easy way out and disappear. Thank you for your comment!