Love, you are bound to feel guilty when setting boundaries. It’s scary, in fact, it’s terrifying to begin implementing something new and this is not the exception. Wanting to set boundaries without feeling guilty is like asking William Shakespeare to do math like Albert Einstein. It is technically impossible, unless you are a narcissist. I’m certain you are not if you are reading this. 🙂

Boundaries are needed in all aspects of life, not only when it comes to romantic relationships. Automatically, we associate boundaries with putting a stop or a limit on actions or behaviors that fail to correspond with our desires and wellbeing. However, you cannot expect not to feel ashamed when setting boundaries because you are destined to feel remorseful especially at first. Guilty for going against what you are used to as if you are doing something wrong. I’m here to tell you that you aren’t doing anything that you aren’t supposed to, quite the opposite.  

You are stepping into a new version of yourself, where what worked or what was acceptable before no longer has space in your life. That is beautiful, as you are prioritizing yourself along with your wants and needs. The first step to start setting boundaries is acknowledging any feeling or emotion produced by insensitive comments or actions no matter how minimal they might be. Pay particular attention to those that make you feel uncomfortable, generating a sense of uneasiness and self-loathing. 

Once you identify what will not be tolerated, communicate calmly the findings to the individual. Communicate clearly and firmly, how you will no longer be disrespected like you have been in the past. Some will admired your actions and understand where your are coming from, while other will throw a tantrum. Those who throw a tantrum do it as a manipulation tactic to test your boundaries and to see how far they can push you. Distancing yourself from them is the only way to demonstrate how serious you are about honoring your boundaries. You might not want to break all contact, but you might have to. By dissociating yourself, you’re showing how much you value yourself and aren’t willing to accept what you once did. Boundaries are your best friend, so you better start using them.

Your Dating Confidant, Dioma xoxo