Why Being Selective Is So Important?

Answer: It Helps Us Identify What’s Good for Us

Have you ever heard anyone say the phrase, “I’m not being picky; I’m only being selective!”? Often, those words are spoken as a defense mechanism to justify one’s motive for going with the alternative.

The Art of Being Selective

Being selective is an art in itself that develops over time, and only a few are fortunate enough to truly possess it.  Selectivity is a skill that requires the strength and wisdom to recognize whether the options presented align with one’s demeanor, while being acutely aware of what one has to offer. The art of being selective is all about having the ability to distinguish between what you deserve from what you don’t. It has nothing to do with ego and everything to do with your well-being, finding contentment in who you are and all that you bring to the table.  It’s also about mastering the ability to choose the best personal option without feeling guilty.

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According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ‘picky’ is identify as being “very careful or too careful about choosing or accepting things.” Meanwhile, the Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘selective’ as the act of “intentionally choosing some things and not others”. Both terms are similar in that they involve choosing, but the difference is that one is done intentionally while the other is not.

The Benefits of Choosing

There is nothing wrong with intentionally choosing some things over others; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We need to be mindful enough to develop the expertise necessary to differentiate what is good for us from what is not. The issue arises when we gravitate toward the first thing that appears in front of us without contemplating whether it is what we truly want.

Mastering the intelligence to be choosy also comes with the territory of wanting to wait for something better to arrive. Gradually, you notice that the things currently in front of you don’t correspond with your standards and morals. So why go for them?

Protecting Our Peace

As we mature, we start to appreciate the importance of protecting our space from things that can jeopardize our peace and bring unnecessary chaos into our lives. This realization comes from recognizing our own value and self-worth, which helps us to become more selective.

A great example of this is recognizing how you probably wouldn’t date the same person you did in your 20s. As you grow older, you become aware of the many red flags they had, which you might have ignored back then because you didn’t know how to be selective. This idea applies not just to dating but to many other aspects of life as well.

Occasionally, being selective isn’t intentional! On the contrary, it often is rooted in a lack of valuable options. So, what’s the point of choosing something of lesser quality? There’s no a good explanation for that.

If faced with this scenario, the optimal solution is not to choose at all with the assumption that your expectations won’t be met. When what is available isn’t up to your standards, it’s best not to pick anything. That is the gift of being selective—having the clarity to distinguish between what is good and what is not. And when neither option meets expectations, the selective individual need to end up choosing themselves.

Why Many Are Choosing Themselves

Many, especially women, are consciously aware of the power that comes with being selective. It’s a unique strength when it comes to choosing a path that coordinates with their desires and aspirations. For instance, many women are opting out of draining relationships because they prefer to invest in their own mental and physical well-being. A study conducted by Lisa C. Walsh and her colleagues perfectly suggest that “most single, unpartnered people are fairly to very satisfied with their lives. Most of all, our findings suggest that single adults who have positive relationships—with both themselves and others—are the happiest…” (Walsh, L. C.).

Once we grasp this concept, we can fully perceive the importance of prioritizing our well-being instead of investing our time and attention in things that don’t value us. Unfortunately, many people fail to put in the necessary work and effort having the expectation that their partner to carry the entire load. This imbalance can lead the partner who has done the work to neglect their own well-being, consequently placing their own wants and needs on the back burner.

Recognize That Being Selective Is an Act of Self-Love

We should be mindful that being selective is an act of self-love and self-appreciation. It’s a quality we must adopt to show ourselves just how much we adore, respect, and cherish the person we are and the person we are becoming.

Contrary to popular belief, those who view being selective as selfish or egocentric have it all wrong. It has nothing to do with the ego and everything to do with the deep love we have for ourselves. Being selective is derive from a place of gratitude and admiration for who we are, knowing just how special we truly are. Settling for the first thing that comes our way can be seen as a disservice to ourselves—and that is the last thing we want.

So, next time someone accuses you of being picky, tell them: “Honey, I’m not being picky, I’m being selective! 😉

Reference:

“Picky.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/picky. Accessed 19 Sep. 2024.

“Selective.” Dictionary.Cambridge.org, Cambridge University Press & Assessment, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/selective. Accessed 19 Sep. 2024.

Walsh, L. C., Gonzales, A. M., Shen, L., Rodriguez, A., & Kaufman, V. A. (2022). Expanding relationship science to unpartnered singles: What predicts life satisfaction?. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 904848. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.904848

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