Learning to Distinguish the Difference Between Wanting and Needing a Romantic Partner

There exists a significant distinction between wanting and needing a partner. Upon reading this statement, some may pause to ponder the true essence of this difference. It is a concept that can be easily apparent to one person and yet elusive to another. The way you perceive yourself plays a crucial role in understanding this dissimilarity. So, let’s delve into that.

The Perception of Self: Key to Understanding

The perception you have of yourself is a major component in determining how we go about searching for a partner. Let’s be honest; our happiness should solely depend on ourselves and nobody else.

Check out “The Beauty Behind Letting Go While Accepting Things for What They Are”

Reaching that point comes with maturity. With newfound understanding, one realizes that they possess the capability to cultivate profound happiness from deep within. Moreover, you become so comfortable with the person you are becoming that you don’t seek anyone’s validation. It’s at this moment you comprehend that you want to meet someone to share your happiness with.

The Shift from Needing to Wanting By Recognizing Your Self-worth

While you desire to share your happiness with them, your happiness is not derived from them. A different picture is portrayed when the coin is flipped. The mindset that evolves from needing a partner to be happy stems from a lack of confidence and the need for validation from others. As Michaela Rollings mentioned in her article:

“When you need someone, you lose your independence and agency as a human being, because you’re constantly reliant on another person. You lose the ability and desire to complete basic tasks by yourself, you forget what it’s like to be alone with your thoughts, and you can barely remember a time when you were capable of existing alone.”

Michaela Rollings

Sadly, you don’t love yourself enough to recognize that you don’t have to have a partner to be deserving of love. Thinking a partner will provide you with all the love you need to be happy is a misconception. Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not happiness; that is being codependent on a happiness that is certainly not yours. And if, for some reason, they decide to leave, you will be left with nothing.

Truly Acknowledge The Difference Of Wanting vs. Needing

The belief that a partner is an absolute necessity is rooted in the misconception that all problems will miraculously dissolve through the mere act of being in a relationship. More often than not, this proves untrue. Until you are comfortable with who you are and have seriously worked on healing yourself, that is when the mindset shifts from needing a partner to wanting a partner, which is as distinctive as night and day.

A partner is not a fundamental requirement like water or air, essential for survival. If you harbor such a view, then it’s time to analyze your life!

A companion should be there to complement your life, not complete it. For instance, we might want the latest purse, but that doesn’t mean we must have it to be fulfilled. Sometimes, we can become so focused on wanting something desperately that it transforms into a need. When the specific desire is merely a whim or an urge to have it, the switch in viewpoint can cause you to become obsessive, clouding your rational way of seeing things. 

The obsession, therefore, becomes so huge that it becomes your sole purpose, and you end up buying the expensive purse when you should have exercised patience and waited. Now, you are stuck with a huge credit card payment because you were too stubborn to wait.

Patience and Selectivity Are Crucial In A Fulfilling Relationship

Entering a relationship with the first person in eyesight is a recipe for disaster. Instead of waiting, you rushed into a relationship with someone with whom you have nothing in common and who constantly disappoints you. The result of your impatience, believing you have to have a partner, has left you hurting because he/she didn’t meet your expectations, leaving you heartbroken as your expectations go unmet. That happened because you failed to realize that you don’t need a companion to be happy.

Only you have the power to truly identify the kind of partner you deserve to share your life with, without settling. As I have said before, settling is not an option. Plain and simple. There are many good people in this world; however, that doesn’t imply you should enter a relationship with them just to claim you’re in one. While they may be good individuals, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re compatible with them.

The key here is to learn to be happy on your own and to be complete within yourself first before seeking a partner.

A partner isn’t going to automatically fix all your problems. You must be comfortable with who you are and make amends with yourself to be truly ready for a relationship. Until then, I suggest you remain single. Not everyone deserves to receive the love you have to give, which makes it crucial for you to be selective.

You should remember that you don’t need a partner to be happy; you want a partner to share your happiness with!

Reference:

Rollings, M. (2014, May 1). The difference between wanting someone and needing them. Thought Catalog. https://thoughtcatalog.com/michaela-rollings/2014/05/the-difference-between-wanting-someone-and-needing-them/

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