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Start Living the Best Years of Your Life And Ditch Negative Self-Talk

Discover How You Can Transform Your Mindset by Speaking Kindly to Yourself

Why do we have the tendency to talk to ourselves so harshly? If anyone dared to communicate with one of our dearest friends the way we talk to ourselves, we would be outraged and ready to fight. We should feel the same infuriation towards ourselves for referring to ourselves in such a negative tone when we should be hyping ourselves up. The time is now to stop the negative self-talk and start living the best years of your life!

Negative self-talk is defined in the article, ‘The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk’ written by Elizabeth Scott, PhD as this inner voice that makes critical, negative, or punishing comments. These thoughts are often pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical as they can have a great impact on the perception of ourselves… This negative self-talk can really bring us down (Scott).

The Importance of Altering the Way We See Ourselves

A crucial component is altering the way in which we view ourselves. The only one responsible for leading the pathway to self-love, self-care, and self-respect is ourselves, and nobody else. It’s unreasonable to expect admiration from others if we don’t start by demonstrating it to ourselves. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence to which we are frequently accustomed to. The reason being is that we regularly compare ourselves to others by focusing on what we lack.

Essentially, focusing on lack creates an invisible force that allows us to amplify the unruly way we judge our circumstances. Failing to realize that no two situations are the same, it eventually becomes a barrier to cultivating a sense of abundance.

Understanding and Overcoming the Tendency to Be Judgmental

As human beings, we often have the tendency to be hypercritical if something doesn’t work out on the first try. Instantly, all these negative thoughts invade our minds, heightening the notion of how we are such failures and good for nothing. Soon, we go through this downward spiral where we only see the bad. We slowly become to detest everything about ourselves. That is no way to appreciate the gift of life.

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Changing How We Communicate With Ourselves

Changing how we talk and view ourselves is no easy task. It can be quite difficult, as you must reprogram years of negative self-talk, without possessing any computer skills. From afar, it might seem intimidating to the point of almost being impossible. But note that nothing is ever impossible!

Expecting the negative self-talk to disappear in the snap of a finger is outright ridiculous. It does not happen like that! The reality is, if it happens overnight, it can be gone just as quickly. The initial step is to be patient with yourself as you gradually break away from the common pattern that you have been following for years.

It is suggested that it takes twenty-one days to change a habit, and even longer if it involves renewing our way of thinking. So, give yourself a little breathing room because you are going to mess up and stub your toe quite a few times. All of that is irrelevant as long as you are willing to stand back up each and every time.

The Power of Affirmations in Learning to Appreciate Yourself

The next step is to start listening to affirmations. Listening to affirmations will increase your awareness and appreciation of the incredible things life has to offer. YouTube has a wide range of affirmation videos to choose from, including two of my favorites, Louise Hay and Bob Proctor. As I previously mentioned, it takes time to start seeing a change in your attitude towards yourself. So, don’t expect that after a week you will start loving yourself immensely. It doesn’t work like that.

Another important element is to learn to forgive yourself for everything you think you ought to forgive yourself for. You did the best you could with what was available to you. Things might not have turned out the way you hoped they would, but you made the most of what you had, and that is very admirable. So, I urge you to stop criticizing yourself for not becoming what you think you had to become. Although things didn’t pan out how you envisioned, you pulled through when it was easier to give up. You are incredible, and it’s time for you to recognize that.

After reading this article, I hope you start seeing yourself with the eyes of love. If you don’t give yourself the love you deserve, then who will? You can start by treating yourself kindly as you would your best friend. In the end, we have ourselves until the end of time. Make the most of the time you have ahead, which can be the best years of our life.

Give yourself the love you deserve and so much more.


Scott, E. (2023, November 22). The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304

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  1. May 15, 2024 / 9:56 pm

    Loved your expression about stubbing toe and expression about seeing yourself with eyes of love. ❤️

    • shesdioma
      May 20, 2024 / 6:40 pm

      I’m glad you liked my little metaphor :). We often fail to see ourselves with the eyes of love when that should be the only way how we should see ourselves with the eyes of love. Thank you for commenting! 🙂

  2. May 16, 2024 / 6:55 am

    That’s so weird, I have two draft articles on this very topic and finished creating a workbook on developing positive self-talk earlier this year. Great minds think alike I guess. A very well written post. We are often our own harshest critic, so if we can change that to something positive or at least neutral, the happier we’re likely to be

    • shesdioma
      May 20, 2024 / 6:48 pm

      Wow what a funny coincidence. Exactly! great minds think alike lol. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves and be happy for the imperfect persons that we are. Thank you for commenting! 🙂

  3. May 18, 2024 / 5:13 am

    Such an important article! In my last podcast I discussed labels that we give to people, which means that we also label ourselves. And often our self-labels are super negative, which is suuuch a shame. You have brilliant points here on how to get over all of it, thank you for sharing your views!

    Teresa Maria | Outlandish Blog

    • shesdioma
      May 20, 2024 / 6:58 pm

      Sadly, we have the tendency to talk to ourselves so negative because often we think we need to be so perfect and without faults, which is unrealistic. We should never feel shame for who we are. Thank you for commenting! 🙂

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