Why Being Selective Is So Important?

Answer: It Helps Us Identify What’s Good for Us

Have you ever heard anyone say the phrase, “I’m not being picky; I’m only being selective!”? Often, those words are spoken as a defense mechanism to justify one’s motive for opting for an alternative.

The Art of Being Selective

The art of being selective is a gift that develops over time and is a characteristic few truly possess. Selectivity is a skill where one has the power to identify whether the options presented align with their demeanor, knowing what they have to offer. Being selective is all about having the knowledge to distinguish what you deserve from what you don’t. It has nothing to do with ego and everything to do with your well-being, being content with who you are and all that you have to offer. It’s also about having the ability to choose what is best for you without feeling guilty about it.

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According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ‘picky’ signifies being “very careful or too careful about choosing or accepting things.” Meanwhile, the Cambridge Dictionary identifies ‘selective’ as the act of “intentionally choosing some things and not others”. Both terms are similar in that they involve choosing, but the difference is that one is done intentionally while the other is not.

The Benefits of Choosing

There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We need to be careful enough to develop the expertise required to distinguish what is good for us from what is not. The issue arises when we gravitate toward the first thing that appears in front of us without contemplating whether it is what we truly want.

Composing the wisdom necessary to be choosy also comes with the territory of opting to wait for something better to arrive. Gradually, you notice that the things currently in front of you are not in conjunction with your standards and morals. So why go for them?

Protecting Our Peace

As we mature, we realize the importance of protecting our space from anything that has the tendency to jeopardize our peace, bringing unnecessary chaos into our lives. Acknowledging our own value and self-worth often correlates with becoming more selective. A great example of this is realizing how you wouldn’t date the same person you dated in your 20s, for instance. With age, you become aware of the many red flags they possessed, which you may have ignored because we didn’t know how to be selective. This applies not just to dating, but to many aspects of life.

Sometimes being selective is not intentional; on the contrary, it often is rooted from a lack of valuable options. So, what is the purpose of opting for something of lesser quality? There is no reasonable understanding for that.

If faced with this scenario, the optimal solution is not to choose at all, assuming that your expectations won’t be met. When what is available doesn’t match in quality, it’s best not to pick anything. That is the gift of being selective—having the clarity to distinguish between what is good and what is not. And when neither option meets expectations, the selective individual end up choosing themselves.

Why Many Are Choosing Themselves

Many, especially women, are recognizing the power that comes with being selective. It is a power like no other when it comes to choosing a path that matches their desires and aspirations. For instance, a large number of women are opting out of draining relationships as they have put in the work to better themselves both mentally and physically. A study conducted by Lisa C. Walsh and her colleagues perfectly suggest that “most single, unpartnered people are fairly to very satisfied with their lives. Most of all, our findings suggest that single adults who have positive relationships—with both themselves and others—are the happiest…” (Walsh, L. C.).

Upon understanding this, one can fully grasp the importance of prioritizing our well-being instead of investing our time and attention to something that doesn’t value us. Unfortunately, many individuals fail to put in the necessary effort, expecting their partner to carry the entire load. The imbalance will only cause the partner who has done the work to neglect their own well-being, placing their own wants and needs on the back burner.

Recognize That Being Selective Is an Act of Self-Love

We should recognize that being selective is an act of self-love and self-appreciation. It is a quality we must adopt to show ourselves how much we adore, respect, and cherish the person we are and who we are becoming. Contrary to popular belief, those who see being selective as selfish or egocentric have it all wrong. It has nothing to do with the ego and everything to do with the deep love we have for ourselves. Being selective is derive from a place of gratitude and admiration we have for ourselves, knowing exactly how special we are. Settling for the first thing that comes our way would be a disservice to ourselves—and that is the last thing we want.

So, next time someone accuses you of being picky, tell them: “Honey, I’m not being picky, I’m being selective! 😉

Reference:

“Picky.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/picky. Accessed 19 Sep. 2024.

“Selective.” Dictionary.Cambridge.org, Cambridge University Press & Assessment, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/selective. Accessed 19 Sep. 2024.

Walsh, L. C., Gonzales, A. M., Shen, L., Rodriguez, A., & Kaufman, V. A. (2022). Expanding relationship science to unpartnered singles: What predicts life satisfaction?. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 904848. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.904848

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